When sand and gravel aren't doing it for you anymore, you move on to the harder stuff.

When I was little I got really confused when I saw out of the ordinary things like, oh...i don't know, homeless people humping in the park, persons with physical defects, dogs with only three legs.. In my relentless innocence , i'd stare in awe and wonder. Now, 23 years young I tilt my head innocently at things like this:



begin head tilt...


A) The most peculiar thing isn't even that he's eating brick, but that he looks at the brick like Kirtsie Alley would look at a Double Double after not eating for 30 minutes.. ( i know...too soon). Look at those eyes, so animalistic!

B) Is that doctor a 12 year old with a fake mustache? oh wait, no, he's just incredibly famished, he should start eating rocks.. My favorite is his plaid chair. For a moment i thought, okay maybe if he was a pediatrician that'd be totally acceptable. But then i associated a red plaid chair with being a pedophile...

C) The last time my tooth chipped was when i was eating Pita Pit... the first time i chipped my tooth was when i was biting my cuticles before an interview...biting into bricks though, really?

A lot of weird shit goes down in India. Whenever I want to see something that will blow my mind i just do a Live Search (yay Microsoft!) of "Weird Shit that's happened in India." They have their own fucking wonders of the world..seriously, i kind of love it..but i feel like walking around would be similar to walking around Knott's Scary Farm on Halloween.

I honestly want to go to India. These are the things i'd be sure to find upon visiting:

1) a man painting murals using his two feet, both his hands, and his mouth.. all the while playing the flute to charm a snake, which will, in turn, cure whatever skin disease he will most likely have.

2) people thinner than Lindsay Lohan.

3) Mother Teresa and Ghandi impersonators. (similar to Lucille Ball and Elvis impersonators)

4) children with two sets of eyes and no limbs, but can somehow float every other Tuesday of the months with 31 days.

5) Cool versions of the HPV virus